1、Well, today we tried masturbating for money.
2、Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
3、You did not “break up” with Joyce Kim. She defected to North Korea.
4、Ah gravity, thou are a heartless bitch.
5、Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table is having a tiny garage sale.
6、I am truly sorry for what happened last night. I take full responsibility and I hope it won't color your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover.
7、At least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again.
8、I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.
9、There's always the possibility that alcohol and poor judgment on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening.
10、There wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked.
11、I thought she was a highly evolved creature of pure intellect, like me. But recent events indicate that she may be a slave to her baser urges.
12、If the correct way to do it is the wrong way, then I yield.
13、Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
14、Howard is teaching Sheldon Chinese.
Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.